Practicing Poetry

I'VE MOVED!!!

2011-04-22T08:31:00.003-04:00

Sometimes you just outgrow a blog
Click here to see what I've been up to!
Well, for the past two days...
This is the new me :)

Happy Blogging!

The Reason I Haven't Been Around

2010-05-12T22:28:00.001-04:00

for some reason i am completely hooked on facebook lately.

i need an intervention...

i miss my sister...

2010-04-29T20:13:00.001-04:00

... why does she have to live in Indiana?
Oh right- sin. It's a powerful thing :)

Love you Bo!!!

Loving the Lack of a Dress Code

2010-04-21T07:14:00.003-04:00

Oh, you think my skirt is too short? That's too bad...
You say its makes you uncomfortable? I bet.

I'm modest enough for it to come two inches past my fingertips. It's not my fault I have really short arms.

Today is admin day.
I'm an admin so it's MY day.
I'm wearing the short skirt.
You've been warned.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!!!!

Sunshine and Soil

2010-04-17T18:21:00.002-04:00

Mother and I got our hands dirty this afternoon, planting all the pretty little flowers she bought today. We even cranked up the fountain- because a garden is a happy, beautiful, live thing... why wouldn't it want some music???

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

Ouch...

2010-04-15T05:48:00.003-04:00

Things that happened to me last night:

1. I remembered to water mother's plants 4 days after she left town. They were dead.
2. I realized I am still emotionally needy, and that I can still feel emotionally starved. A lot.
3. I woke up with the worst leg cramp in the entire world (no one needs to yell, "OW!" at 3:25 in the morning unless its because they ran into a wall while leaving a bar).
4. I entered into a heinous text war. It had to happen I guess, but the battle scars are going to be hard to hide today.

But its all right. Its okay.

I'm drinking Starbucks for free today!

Don't forget to grab a free delicious coffee today- on the house!

Two things are guaranteed-

the lines will be impossibly long

and the baristas will not be perky.

Its Been A While... No?

2009-11-10T15:21:00.003-05:00

Just thought I'd check in with the blogverse...

I have SO much talk about, but first I'm going to visit a couple of my favorite bloggers to see what's new in their world.
After that it's all about me :)

Happy Birthday, Mr. Bear!

2009-07-18T07:33:00.000-04:00

oh, my beautiful bobby! you are a year old today, but you've had my entire heart since the beginning of eternity. i can't imagine my life without you and your sweet, sweet smile.

I LOVE YOU

It Really Does Work

2009-06-17T17:09:00.000-04:00

Go read the reviews of the infamous 3 wolf tee-shirt here.
The people who are saying it has changed their life... I believe them.

This guy is the evidence.

Father's Day is just around the corner.

I highly recommend getting your dad one of these if you want to be the best child ever.

It Is Impossible to Have a Bad Day When This Happens...

2009-06-16T17:06:00.000-04:00

I hope you are all having an amazing Tuesday!

One Of My Favorite Days...

2009-06-15T22:33:00.003-04:00

Happy 61st Birthday!

MOTHER

you are totally my favorite person and

you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen

have fun this week and don't worry about the poopy dog

i've got him under control

(which is why it took me so long to write this)

Happy Birthday, Vicki!

2009-06-09T19:40:00.004-04:00

i'm glad you were born

(my life would not be near as interesting without you in it)

I love you so much!

Don Fajah is 78!

2009-06-06T08:30:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

a girl couldn't ask for a better step-fajah

Sometimes...

2009-06-05T19:13:00.002-04:00

even work can be fun!

The Webb Tragedy

2009-06-02T21:39:00.003-04:00

If you live in Knoxville, then you've probably seen or read the coverage regarding Erik and Sara Webb.

This is not a post to defend Erik, in any way, for what he did. It was absolutely senseless- the horrible act of a sick and desperate man.

But even though what he did was indefensible, I stand by this conviction- he was a good man. His kindness and generosity were always so evident to those who knew him, and anyone that had even one conversation with him knew how much he loved his children.

No, his actions were wrong- so wrong there are no words for it. But he was a friend, and I still think of him as such.

I am shocked and heartbroken.

Please pray for the family and friends of Erik and Sara, who will never be able to understand why this happened.

In Memoriam

2009-05-25T11:16:00.002-04:00

These heroes are dead. They died for liberty - they died for us. They are at rest. They sleep in the land they made free, under the flag they rendered stainless, under the solemn pines, the sad hemlocks, the tearful willows, and the embracing vines.

~Robert G. Ingersoll

I Laughed So Hard I Snorted...

2009-05-23T22:34:00.003-04:00

...when Raina told me that, not only did she buy a tiara for her wedding day, but that she wore it around the house all day.

Even Knoxville Rocks

2009-05-22T21:07:00.002-04:00

Be sure to check out Tara under "You Must Love Them Too" to see her Dixie Pixel blog. She took pictures of my friends, Adam and Amanda, on their wedding day- and I've been slightly crazy (seriously, almost stalkerish- on her blog) about her ever since.
If a lobotomy is ever performed and I decide to tie the knot again, she's the one I'm going to!

It is, in fact, possible to spend hours and hours looking through her amazing pictures... I know this for a fact:)

Have a fantastic Friday!

How Strange It Is...

2009-05-19T17:30:00.000-04:00

... that sometimes when grasping for the right words console a friend, you end up saying the very thing that is a comfort to yourself.

And even stranger that you didn't know it hurt in the first place.

Reason I ♥ My Parents #347

2009-05-18T21:46:00.002-04:00

Stepfather: Do you like the pork sauce?
Me: I don't know, it tastes funky
Stepfather: Don't say that word at the dinner table!
Me: No, funky. Funky! Fun-ky. Like Funky Cold Medina
Stepfather: Funky coumadin? I've had some funky coumadin...

Mother: I think we need to start doing activities together. I've signed us up for a couple of classes.
Me: What kind of classes?
Mother: Garden Club and shooting practice at the Gun Club.
Me: Of course. That makes perfect sense.
Mother: Don't get smart with me. A pretty garden is just as important as learning to protect yourself.

My life would be absolutely boring without them...

Bad Blogger! Bad, Bad, Blogger!

2009-05-16T04:15:00.002-04:00

I'm a bad blogger, and I need to be spanked!

Wait... This is not that kind of blog.

I need to be punished.

I need you all to tell me how bad I am.

How I've let you all down.

How i act like I don't care.

That will make me feel better.

My May Year's Resolution is to be a better blogger.

Because truly, I don't necessarily miss writing, but I do miss you.

I miss my blog girls and my couple of blog boys.

I love you all!

P.S.

Emma, how I've missed your pretty pictures. I just gave the world's biggest sigh!

Amanda, How I've missed your words, so clever that they cant be described by such lame words as clever.

Jenn, Your cards make me happy (even the yellow ones)

Please don't hate me too much after my ridiculous absence!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T15:57:00.002-04:00

thank you ...

for giving me a chance when you weren't supposed to

(and sorry for almost killing you)

for keeping a journal about our childhood

for staying at home with us

for eventually going back to work

for swim, ballet, and piano lessons

for telling me i was pretty

for saying "i love you" 42 times a day

for being strong when you had to be

for supporting me- always

for taking me in when i was desperate and broken

for making me better

for being the best role model that i know

for being the best mom in existence

you mean the universe to me!

You Must Read...

2009-05-04T07:00:00.001-04:00

Just a few of my favorite lines (the book is filled with them!):

It's a thing about fog. Doesn't matter when it comes, it smells like April. Birdie was born April twenty-second. Every time it fogs like this, I tell her, Happy birthday, love.

At once I took a fierce chill. A sob rippled up my throat and I couldn't do a thing about it. It sure is one thing to say you're at war with this whole world and stick your chest out believing it, but when the world shows up with its crushing numbers and its predatory knowledge, it is another thing completely. I shut my eyes and rocked.

But here, let me finish quickly. Swede, who would know, says drift is the bane of epilogues...

I Am So Old

2009-04-30T17:00:00.000-04:00

I know this because I still hurt.

Sometimes I Forget I'm 28...

2009-04-29T17:54:00.001-04:00

and do something like this. My body hurts.

Weekend Recap

2009-04-25T17:37:00.015-04:00

SATURDAY & SUNDAY

Raina and I went man v wild. Okay, we went hiking. It was an easy hike trail at first, about 2 miles and most down hill. The second 2 miles- well... that part blew. I tripped once and fell on my face (or would have if my baseball cap bill hadn't stopped the impact) but it wasn't as bad as it sounds. You see, the hill we were climbing was so steep that I literally fell 15 degrees down. Didn't hurt at all! I do have the most spectacular farmer's tan this world has ever seen. I have to keep it covered up lest I provoke everyone's envy.

SUNDAY Sister and I did a different (and better to my way of thinking) kind of exploring. Boutiques! There is the most charming little store in Jeffersonville, IN called Gatherings. It was like I woke up in a dream... it was the most perfect little place, filled with tons of things to make me happy and little treasures hiding all over the room. If I could rent space in Gatherings to hang out in for hours on end, everyday- I'd consider it money well spent.

SUNDAY NIGHT

Sister and I drove to the University of Kentucky for the Jason Mraz concert and we both bought adorable t-shirts. But alas, I'm afraid that my love affair with Mr. Mraz is over.

He has a man claw on his right hand. Not kidding. Lord Voldemort's nails have nothing on this kid! Its really, really disturbing.

Have a Great Weekend!

2009-04-24T17:00:00.000-04:00

i'm on my way to sister's!

last time

2009-04-23T17:30:00.003-04:00

i suck molasses from
magnolia blossoms
and beckon him to come.
a tear escapes his eye
for the comfort of mine
while inside me a tree unfurls.
it branches up arms and down legs
and i name the fruit as it grows
strong in the pink shade of dusk.

Well, I'm not going to sundown tonight. I got caught up in Paradise Alley and didn't do my laundry or pack for this weekend. Sigh. I'm most upset because rumor had it I was finally going to meet Lenina there... It would have been like a (very, very small, quite possibly the smallest ever) bloggers convention.
Have a fantastic Thursday night for me. I'll be sitting around the house moping...

I really love...

2009-04-22T18:40:00.002-04:00

...getting flowers at work!

senatobia

2009-04-22T07:25:00.000-04:00

refuge is at my grandfather's feet

where between sips of beer
and swatting flies his
fingers play piano
across his belly.
the problem, he says
is you don't listen.
i watch the peacock clock
tick away time while he
whistles a lullaby.
take a seat baby girl
and pats his lap with
weathered hands that
helped to raise me,

my cheek pressed against

the sun-warmed buttons

of his overalls.

stop crying for your father,
devil's got a daddy complex
enough for the world

Dreams are fantastic, aren't they? I've been having a bad daddy week, and then this dream surfaces and puts everything back into its perspective. My subconscious is so smart...

Confessions

2009-04-21T16:00:00.001-04:00

I only took this picture of my stepdad so I could take a picture of the 1/2 naked guy behind him.

I still get this excited about Gone With the Wind

I love late night dance parties with Vicki

My sister and I are incapable of just having a casual drink together.

But we blame our parents

For all my talk, I really am afraid of taking a hit.

I'm not a fan of this band

I still dress myself, and I still make mistakes

**In case you can't tell, I've been cleaning out my storeroom. Sigh.

Q and A

2009-04-20T19:18:00.015-04:00

Miss Emma has tagged me for a little q & a! Since I'd do just about anything she told me to do, here it is...

RULES:

1. Respond and rework: Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

2. Tag other un-tagged people.

What are you wearing?

My "Missy-Elliot-look-a-like" purple velour pants and a Rolling Stones tee. Comfy!

What would you like to learn to do?

I would love to learn how to fence. There is something ridiculously sexy about swords.

What did you have for dinner?

Lamb Chops. Not the puppet.

What was the last thing you bought?

A photo with Rachel complete with re-enactors from Gone with the Wind production at the Fabulous Fox Theatre!

What are you listening to right now?

John Prine. Thanks for the CD, Bryan!

What is your favorite weather?Beach weather is definitely my favorite!

What is on your bedside table?

A lamp, my journals, To the Lighthouse (only because I haven't reshelved it), 1 picture of me and my friend Marida, 1 of me and my sisters on my 22nd birthday, and 1 of my parents on their wedding day. Oh, and a bottle of water, because dehydration is the number one killer of women (who are stuck in the desert for more than 3 days without a drop to drink).

What is the smallest gesture that makes you happy?

When strangers smile at each other for no reason.

Which actor/actress do you think is similar to you?

I asked my sister and she said Catherine Zeta Jones. She was probably trying to make me feel better...

What is your most challenging goal right now?

To not be too rash. Its very hard for me not to throw caution to the wind in one particular aspect of my life (Sorry to be cryptic! I'll explain everything before too long!) but right now slow and steady is the best way to go. It is so hard for me to do! I'm not used to curbing my spontaneity!

What is a fashion style you can't stand?

Forever 21's Shop by Outfit. Basically they've taken all their sale items and coordinated them badly. It isn't edgy or stylish. It's lazy and repulsive.

Favorite vacation spot?

Considering I only have one vacation spot I'll have to say Fort Morgan. After all these years, I'm still in love with the Gulf Coast.

Name the things you cannot live without:

books music air water shelter

(in that order)

What would you like to get rid of?

My old handbags that are coming apart at the seams. I can't though... too much sentimental value.

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

I'm totally going to Italy with Emma!

What language do you want to learn?

I really want to conquer Chinese just to prove to myself that its possible. Then Klingon as a conversation piece.

What quality do you dislike most in a a person?

Its a rather nasty tie between arrogance and hypocrisy.

What countries have you visited?

Jamaica, England, France, Switzerland, Germany and New York City

What is your all time favorite movie?

Yet another tie for the girl who can not commit: Gone With the Wind and 39 Steps

What's you favorite quality about yourself?

My generosity... even if it is to a fault sometimes.

What is your favorite quote/saying?

It used to be, "peace out, bitches". Now I guess it's, "really? I mean, really?" or "brilliant"

Say one random fact about yourself:

I can't pass up the chance to buy a toothbrush. I'll even charge it if I don't have any cash. Totally compulsive and I have no idea why I do it!!!

What is a charity that is close to your heart?

DogTown. If you haven't heard about it, check it out here.

What are you most afraid of?

Not following through on my dreams.

I am tagging my sister to welcome her to the blogtastic life, Lenina to see what she says, and California Jen because its a great way to get to know her!

Too Much Bedtime Reading

2009-04-16T07:18:00.003-04:00

Last night I had a dream that I had to learn Occlumency in order to sleep. Snape (only it was a really hot version of what I think Alan Rickman is really like) was trying to get into my head but I had to keep him out so he wouldn't know that I'm stalking Gary Oldman. Not Sirus, mind you, but the actor. I was sweating bullets.

No more HP&OP after 8 p.m.!

Hating the Hiatus

2009-04-15T18:56:00.013-04:00

I really despise not having blogger at work, but I'm going to do my best to post more when I get home at night!

Now it's time for the recap... Sigh.

Thursday

Sundown in the City

**I've had these two ridiculous blemishes on both sides of my face for a week and I couldn't figure out where they cam from until I posted these pictures and realized my bumps are where I wore stickers all night. Note to self, stop wearing stickers.

Friday

Tornadoes ripped through the southeast. My family survived, cause that's how we roll!

Saturday
in atlanta

Pizza at Fillini's Pizza... mmmmm!

Sunday

I got my much needed face time with Mr. Bear. I love this last picture because it looks like he's taking time to smell the roses.

Of course, I had to change his diaper shortly after this picture... which did not smell like roses.
*******

Monday kicked off the busiest week for me at work so I haven't done anything remotely exciting. Except when I talked Raina into starting a blog. I can't wait!!!

*****
Last but certainly not least, I have to give a love-filled congratulations to Maggie May! I am so thrilled for you!!!

Posting on Saturday...

2009-04-11T15:44:00.002-04:00

... because I have to tell you:

I just saw Bret McKenzie in front of the Zesto!

Stoopid

2009-04-09T10:11:00.000-04:00

The computers at work have denied me access to my blog world. Apart from my ridiculous anger is my withdraw symptoms. I've got all the signs: mood swings, phantom itching, and paranoia (thanks WebMD!). I can not comment on my favorite sites or see any of sweet Emma's pretty pictures. This is terrible!
My wonderful sister is going to post for me today, and maybe do a guest blog here and there to keep my blog cogs well oiled.
Topics she will probably discuss:
Her hot fiance
Micro brewed beers
Painting her McMansion
Banjo, bass, fiddle, and guitar
Bluegrass music, for that matter
Mother and Stepfather's visit (teehee)

Obviously she's a busy, busy girl so to get her to blog you'd have to ask her nicely...

I miss you all TERRIBLY!

Adventures of Don Fajah

2009-04-06T09:11:00.002-04:00

I don't have the cord to download pictures of Vicki's shower, so I'll have to post about that when I get home from work today.
Instead, I will tell you of my stepfather's Sunday adventure.

I made the poor man leave the house during the shower because he doesn't know how to talk to people, much less a bunch of women celebrating the marriage of one of their own.
He was gone from 11 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. Probably the longest he's ever gone off on his own. But he was okay- glad to be home when he arrived and full of stories.

He was most excited about going to the Dairy Queen.
Yes, my mother makes a gourmet meal for him every evening and he gets excited about Dairy Queen. Really?

He said that he got a discount because of his AARP card. Blushing, he retold the story of the guy behind the counter saying, "You can't be 65! You don't look old enough" Preening for all he's worth, Don Fajah said, "I should, I'm 78!" This exchange made him ridiculously happy. We're talking school girl happy.

He told me that after Dairy Queen, when he was still off roaming the greater tri-cities, he decided to treat himself to an ice cream cone and enjoyed it at a biker bar.

Wait... what???

My mother is very good at speaking Don Fajah, told me that the "biker bar" is actually an Exxon gas station in Maryville.

But apparently there was a guy on a motorcycle filling up gas, so... biker bar.

Milestones

2009-04-03T10:03:00.003-04:00

Yesterday delivered a milestone in the two year relationship I've been enjoying with a very dear woman.

You see, me and my esthetician will be celebrating our two year anniversary on June 6th.
Last night I was leaving the salon (walking funny because the wax was sticking to all the wrong places) and she gave me a big hug (not out of the norm) and said, "I love you". Sigh. I feel the same way. She's the only woman I'll trust with my naughty bits.

What a great moment in our life, yes?!
Hopefully it will be a story I can tell my grandchildren when they get waxed by her grandchildren.

Now I'm Vulnerable. Sigh.

2009-04-02T09:18:00.003-04:00

Today is my guard’s last day.
Kevin is returning to the Army, and after today will not be around for immediate protection.
Drat!
I really liked this one, too! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a competent guard that I don’t mind spending 8 hours of the day with? His replacement isn’t bad, he’s just not Kevin.

We’re having a going-away party for him this afternoon. Sadness.
Not sadness for the party (I love a good party) but for the going away part.

Here are a few things I’m going to miss about him:

Playing Hide and Seek- even though he left me hiding once while he did his rounds
His inaccurate crossword puzzle answers
Joke of the Day (mostly jokes that not even a three year old would find funny)
Presidential trivia
Definition word games
Bad mouthing people we don’t like when no one is around
Pee Wee’s Playhouse word of the day
Making up our own NATO phonetic alphabet
Rock Paper Scissors

I can’t believe he’s leaving me with my own boredom…
I wish him all the best, of course…

I’ll miss you, Kevin!

This Day Has Gone On For Too Long...

2009-04-01T08:44:00.003-04:00

...so I'll admit:

I am not getting married
My father is not in the witness protection program
I am not pregnant
I did not see your boyfriend in drag
I am not gay
I do not have 6 toes
My sinus problems are not contagious
There is not an outbreak of Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis... to my knowledge
I did not wrestle a lion in Africa
She does not have a crush on you
There are no cookies in the break room

And my sincerest apologies for not falling for any pranks. In the surprisingly wise words of Thomas, "you can't prank them if they don't care".

Hope you all are having a great day!

A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again

2009-03-31T12:34:00.002-04:00

March, I bid you a sweet adieu!

...don’t tell the others, but you are my favorite month…

I will try to be very gracious in welcoming April.

I Guess It Was Good

2009-03-30T11:17:00.003-04:00

I had to leave work early on Friday because I could not risk contaminating everyone around me.
Unable to see my cutiepatootie doctor, I went to the clinic. Did you know there are about a thousand different medications to clear up my angry sinus problem? Did you know I'm allergic to 999 of them? Instead of something that works, I got a prescription for Pseudoephedrine.
At any given point in the day, my body is running on 1200 mg of this stuff. And its a non-drowsy formula so I've been high as a kite for 3 days. I kind of like it.
Since I was on new medication and have a problem driving anyway (I fall asleep after more than 4 hours in a car, especially if I'm the one driving) I decided it was a bad idea to go to North Carolina. Which is a good thing because Lisa was sick too.

The plan was to stay home and sleep.

I ended up gardening, painting the guest bedroom, hanging blinds, buying furniture, steam cleaning the carpets and sterilizing every surface that couldn't be dusted.
I did not sleep.

But I do feel very accomplished!

It Was Definitely One of the Three'C's

2009-03-26T11:57:00.007-04:00

Last night's nose surgery had to be cancelled.

Instead my friend Gina and I went to a concert series held at the Bijou Theatre.
It is a great show, and if you're ever around the Knoxville area on the last Wednesday of the month you need to pony up the $10 and see it!

Before the show my bloodstream was still completely diluted with cold medicine and I stupidly add a shot of whiskey and 2 beers to the mix.
Not my crowing moment, folks.

Then after the show Gina took us, and almost drunk drove us into oncoming traffic, back west to the bar where we had met to go downtown. I was completely anxious after the car ride and didn't feel to swift by the time we got to The Hill.
I ordered chicken tenders there because I hadn't eaten all day and thought that it would help me feel better. Awful decision!

Not a Problem: I got home about 11ish and went to bed.
Huge Problem: Three hours later I'm hanging over the business end of the toilet wondering what went wrong.
Four hours after that I'm at it again, while trying to multitask my morning routine so I won't be late for work (I was 30 minutes late, egad!).

I'm still not sure what happened last night.
It was either the cold medicine (unlikely because I only had 3 drinks in a 6 hour period)
or the company (I really did think Gina was going to crash)
or the chicken (could have been bad. I was eating on autopilot at the time)

Or some strange combination of the three.

Regardless- I'm feeling much better now. I'm even going to cancel the whole rhinoplasty thing because of the hysterical comments I got yesterday.
My blog girls are the best blog girls!

Pearl's Extreme Makeover!

2009-03-25T13:46:00.004-04:00

That's right... I'm getting a nose job- rhinoplasty for those that like to be technical. I've been weighing the pros and cons of this decision and today I finally committed.
This evening at 5:00, when I get in from work- I have an appointment in my bathroom with a sharpened kitchen knife. It coming off!
Maybe then I won't have this revolting sinus problem anymore...

Seriously- I've gone through a box of tissue since 8 a.m.

I'll reveal the new look tomorrow:)

For Emma

2009-03-24T11:34:00.006-04:00

The incredibly talented Emma was tagged to Show Your Heart, and passed it along to her readers.

This could quite possibly be the hardest thing I've ever done... choosing just one? Is that possible?

Obviously, yes- struggle, struggle, struggle and finally reveal.

So this is for Emma, and of course I pass it along to all my lovlies!

With as much creativity as you can muster, show your heart in:

1 picture

1 poem

1 song or piece of music

1 phrase or quote

1 item of clothing

1 place

[And just for fun-] 1 Disney princess!

Picture:

Serving Hands- I find this picture unbelievably beautiful, not just for what it shows, but for what it exists from. There is nothing more stunning than the power of love and generosity. For all of my faults, I always strive to do good. To be good. This is my heart...

Poem:

Oh Lucille Clifton! The lady destroys me so that sometimes I think there is nothing left of me but the picture she creates in my head. Bless her for that... and for all her words that have the power to find me in whatever emotional cave I might be hiding.

Wont You Celebrate With Me

won't you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

Song or Piece of Music

Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata…

It was the piece of music I heard in my dreams. It’s the only piece of music I can still play without looking at the notes…

Phrase or Quote:

From the Picture of Dorian Gray, "Here is the first passionate love-letter I have ever written in my life. Strange, that my first passionate love-letter should have been addressed to a dead girl. Can they feel, I wonder, those white silent people we call the dead?"

I've reread this book so many times I can't keep up with the current number- this line I can say with all certainty I have read that many times plus a hundred more.

Item of Clothing

If dresses could talk... I want to lounge around in this one until Rhett sweeps me off my feet and makes me feel like a woman.

Place:

Besançon, France. I don't think any other place ever compelled me to write with such abandon, though I might have been channeling Victor Hugo a bit:) I felt absolutely fearless there!

Disney Princess
I'm going to cheat a little...
You see, I've never really gotten my knickers in a twist over Disney princesses... but I have a total girl crush on Belle from Beauty and the Beast. What an amazing animated role model!

A huge thank you to Fine Little Love for inspiring me to take the time to do this. I have this happy little feeling sitting on my shoulders now...
Don't believe me? Try it... go on and pick one for each and let me know what you come up with!

My Parents

2009-03-23T19:00:00.001-04:00

As I was driving home from work I received a call from my mother's cell phone.
It was my stepfather, so I'm automatically worried that something has happened.

Stepfather: You need to come home now! Your mother has broken the telephone. And she's drunk!
Me: I'm 5 minutes away. Don't scare me like that!
Stepfather: You haven't seen anything yet...

At home, my mother is in the kitchen frying steak and gulping a martini.
I fix the phone, mother is giggling...

Stepfather: This is awful... simply awful!
Mother: I've been drunker.
Me: How did the phone break?
Mother: I dropped it.
Me: Where
Mother: Against the wall.
Me: Were you talking to your mother or sister
Mother: My sister. And I super glued my fingers together...

AN HOUR LATER:

Stepfather: I'm reading War & Peace. There's too much peace, not enough war.
Mother: At least its not Anna Karenina.
Me: I liked both.
Mother: Anna Karenina was a manic depressive idiot. Left her husband and kids for a guy going off to war- well I'll tell you, there's a reason he left too. She was a nut job... threw herself on a railroad track! Certifiable basket case, that one.
Stepfather: Tolstoy's an okay writer- but if he lived today he'd be the best soap opera writer of all time!
Me: I need a drink.

My Usual Awesomness...

2009-03-23T08:21:00.005-04:00

... will be subpar today.

I am totally exhausted.

Not my fault.

I blame Summit Entertainment and boys that are young enough to be my- well, younger brother. Actually...

I had to reread new moon after the movie, so let's just put all the onus on Stephenie Meyer and call it a day.

When We Get Together

2009-03-22T16:25:00.009-04:00

My friend Vicki and my friend JMS have never met before (even though JMS did her amazing invitations) which has been difficult, I'm sure, because I always talk to each of them about the other one. Saturday night was the remedy for such bad behaviour on my part- the three of us met at Nama for dinner...We devoured everything...except this guy...Sweet friends and sushi... does life get better?

Casual, Yet Cool Friday

2009-03-20T16:59:00.005-04:00

Only the cool kids wear blazers and jeans on Fridays...Yep... It's how we roll.

for her heartbreak

2009-03-18T08:15:00.002-04:00

there was a time I curled inside of you
now I tuck you into the heart of me
and i will keep you there
forever and ever

do not cry today my sweet, beautiful mother...
there is too much love for sad tears

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T11:26:00.005-04:00

i've pinched 18 people in my building today...

and it's not even noon.

Lauren & Tommy

2009-03-14T11:36:00.003-04:00

THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED! her: yep, we're going to get married and have babies. I mean, not this weekend- we're just going to chill this weekend...

him: I love her. God help me.

Odd Correlations and Quotation Overload

2009-03-12T12:08:00.005-04:00

This post is a bit awkward… just bear with me if you can.

Driving home yesterday after work I saw a man totally flipping out in the car in front of me. His arms were flailing everywhere and he seemed to be more in the passenger seat than the driver’s (I’m sure he would have wound up in the backseat if it weren’t for the seatbelt - safety first). The lines of the road meant nothing to him as he weaved the entire expanse of the interstate. I knew exactly how he felt. If I had met this guy 1-4 years ago, in a bar, he would have been my next poor decision. As it is, I just shook my head and attempted to get past him without wrecking. I slightly succeeded.

Speaking of poor decisions, I was engaged to this boy for a while a couple of years ago. He had a friend named Brett and Brett had a girlfriend named Lisa (they live in North Carolina so I it took a while for me to meet them). Poor decision told me I’d love Brett because he was awesome (I doubted this because none of Poor Decisions friends were what I’d describe as “awesome”, and he told me that I’d love Lisa because she read a lot. Hm.

Let me just say that I might have had to go through all that hell with Poor Decision, just so I could meet these people. They really are wonderful. Now they are getting ready to move to the West Coast and I’m afraid that I will never see them again because it has been hard enough to make the trip to NC. But they are moving farther away from me soon, so I am planning a trip to Raleigh to see them at the end of the month. The three of us have so much to catch up on! One topic of conversation will definitely be the girl who Facebook stalked me to get my number so she could get Brett’s number. She has been calling me almost every day. I haven’t answered because I’m more than slightly afraid of her. And for the record, Lisa and I rarely talk about books (unless one of us finds a particularly good trashy romance novel). There just isn’t enough time after our politically/socially/mentally incorrect conversations.
I fear I might miss them more than I already do. Thank the gods for e-mail!

I don’t consider myself a religious person (spiritual, absolutely). However, if you were to ask me what religion I am I always say Catholic (how I was raised) but I never go to church (unless it’s for confession, because I’m one of those people who want a safety net… just in case) and when I pray it’s to a different kind of god than what I grew up with, and Jesus very rarely gets a shot out from me. So no, I’m probably not Catholic anymore. I don’t really know what I am… But I do know that when I happen to see anyone that has passed (or is passing) from this life into the great beyond (and yes, this does include animals) I always make the sign of the cross. And it’s not habit, because each time I really, really mean it. So what am I???

I’m gearing up for a girls week with JMS (oh yes, there will be mani/pedis, makeup and champagne)! I’m going to go hiking on Saturday so that she will have plenty of time to (mentally) prepare for my arrival. I have noticed that though I have several dear friends that say they’d do anything for me, anything means anything other than hiking. It isn’t safe to go into the woods alone, but I think I might just have to be rebellious (and stupid) and go by myself. I need to commune with nature, and I need to do it soon!

My friend, Marida is coming to town this weekend- I might be able to talk her into a moderate hike, but she might want to see her DB- oops! (Mother told me not to call him a douche bag because those actually serve some purpose)boyfriend instead. Blech.

And speaking of DBs, my friend at work told me that he didn’t like my shirt because I look like a waitress at the Sizzler. All I know is that a waitress at the Sizzler will probably have a job longer than I do (especially if I lived in Japan).

Thinking Outside the Box

2009-03-11T16:07:00.003-04:00

It is ridiculously busy today at work.
So much so that I realized I could either take an exceptionally big breath or write a world-rocking post.
But the more I contemplated which one I would prefer to do, the more I realized that I'm not the type of person that gets boxed into an either/or situation. So I'm going to go all half-assed today and take a half-breath and write a sub par post.
There.
My world makes sense again.

And because it has been way too long since I've said it:

PEACE OUT!

Rewind to Present

2009-03-10T14:56:00.003-04:00

I don’t take a lot of time to appreciate the everyday wonders of my life, but now and then I get a friendly reminder from the heavens. Last night I was having a sad moment, thinking about the choices I’ve made and what I could have done differently. ..

I needed a moment to put things in perspective and to project what I do want out of life. Unfortunately it wasn’t going so well and I kept thinking about a boy and my lack of strength where he is concerned. Eyes closed, head back- I could feel myself slipping back to a place where I second guess everything and lose confidence in who I am. I looked up and realized that someone is on my side.

How can I not believe in some sort of greater being when I get this reminder of what beauty surrounds me (if I only take a moment to notice)? And it doesn’t hurt that the next book on my shelf to reread was Other People's Love Letters. Stunning sunset, charming book, and a glass of champagne. It was a lovely evening.
And much needed, because it’s my turn to select a challenge for the KWC. So many ideas are playing leap frog around my brain…

The Amazon: Best of the Month of March list of books is out, and there are short story compilations on it! Oh (excuse me while I do my lame but delightful happy dance) how I love short stories, and there are a few old names on the list, as well: Mary Gaitskill and Jason Brown are at it again, and though I haven’t read Don’t Cry and Why the Devil Chose New England for His Work, I have been enchanted by their earlier reads. My Chase/Amazon points just went up a little more…

Today is a roller coaster ride for me. I need to find myself a sweetly decorated cave to crawl into for a couple of days until things are normal again…

but i do love roller coasters

the myth of where i come from

2009-03-09T10:22:00.004-04:00

years ago a woman came to this earth
vacant of cunning and desire
the men of the land looked upon her
with the devil in their gaze
systematically stripped her of
worth peace ignorance

her hips became the beat of beasts
swayed to reap, cocked to sow, rocked to love
her breasts nourished hungry desires
took from them what they wanted
and their souls were her own
until the man of goodwill arrived

she spoke to him in hushed whispers
let her breath echo in his ear
promised him the cosmos
then shook from the want to deliver
and though they loved,
he could not bear to see her
through the fingerprints of others
he turned her aside as no other was able
left her to grieve on rough knees

she came upon the sea cliff
her sigh wrinkled the universe
and tears salted the waters
the wind carried heart’s lament
before she leapt…

save the gods were as impassioned as the mortals
allowed sea spray height to the heavens
to bring their girl home

but she loved the earth well

and her man even more,

asked for a vacation from paradise

and even now walks from

island to island

in search of goodwill.

How Many Times Can I Say LOVE?

2009-03-06T09:00:00.007-05:00

I get a word of the day from dictionary.com. I like this tremendously because not only do I expand my vocabulary (unless they give me a totally lame word), but I also find something to read. Sound odd? It isn't. When they send my word, they always use it in a sentence- generally the sentence is a quote from a book. If I haven't read the book, I write it down and read it later.

Today the word "martial" was used in a quote from Charles Wolfe's poem, The Burial of Sir John Moore. I've never read it, so I'm giving it a shot today.

Interesting fact about Charles Wolfe: He had turned down the chance to read for a scholarship as he was in love with a girl and could not commit to celibacy as was then required.

I love men that love women... And men that love men. And women that love women... Well, I love love. And I love love poems! I wrote one, but its missing something... Maybe it will be posted tomorrow.

But today is my tribute to writers!

I am in love with words. Even more so, I'm in love with people that can string them together to create a dream or nightmare, a promise or a reflection, hope or defeat. I can read a book and step into a million different realities. There is nothing more fascinating than opening an old friend or beginning a journey with a new one. I even have come to love the blogverse. I'm giving out my accolades today to the bloggers that never fail to make me smile with their words- that put their thoughts, so beautifully (or so simply), together in a way that gives me daily joy.

I happily give this to:

and Mary

Thanks for the fuzzies. xoxo

p.s. The answer to the title question is 13. Unless I made a mistake, which has happened before. And even that one doesn't really count because 1982 was a very hard year for me...

I'm Super...Thanks for Asking!

2009-03-05T08:24:00.004-05:00

Yesterday's bitch fest is finally over... thank goodness!
Mothers are fantastic- well, mine is.
I called her before I left work and was grumbling and complaining and just being a real nag. She said- "Come home. Momma will take care of you."
Okay, I might be 28 and my mom might be the size of my right leg- but I still fit in her lap. She stroked my hair and hummed and just held me. I guess that was all I really needed.

I didn't get a lot of feedback on movies- (AKP did send me in the right direction. Thanks girl!)but I did get a few for happy books (apparently thats where I was going wrong).

Jennifer offered her daughter's books- she said they were all about princesses, and since I was one it should be an easy read. For the record: I am. I should be receiving those books soon.

Emily offered to send me a french book. A happy french book. I think she wants me to talk her lingo again.

Bill (who was recently updated on my search for Riki Tiki Tavi) is going to send me a collection of Kipling's children stories.

All in all, it's a boon day!

I haven't posted my story for KWC and I haven't posted any poetry. Today is going to be catch up day...

You Are Not Helping...

2009-03-04T11:55:00.004-05:00

I decided that the best way to get out of my funk was to read for a bit. I went to an on-line site that has "over 5,000 authors". Well, they might- but they are missing a few of the great ones!
There is no listing for:
Faulkner
Shute
Bowles
Donleavy
Kipling (well, just one by him... but not the one I want)
Rushdie
Conrad
Kesey
Waugh

They should advertise "over 5,000 authors you don't want to read". Then I wouldn't have wasted my time looking for things that don't exist on their site.

My bad mood just went to worse.

On My Mind

2009-03-04T08:08:00.004-05:00

You know it's busy at work when you work 15 steps from your BFF and you still interoffice a crossword to her, and get in return an interofficed book she borrowed.

Yesterday was the Quarterly Meeting for our company. The first one is informative and interesting. There are three meetings. I have to sit through all of them. I read a lot yesterday.

My sister gave me a book about ten or so years ago called Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe.
I started reading it again yesterday and it is as heartbreaking as I remember. But Achebe is such an amazing writer and just go with it. If you haven't read it, I highly suggest it- in fact, I highly recommend anything by him.

Mother is a ninja. I dropped her off at the market the other day and followed her in fairly quickly. She was on aisle 7 when I entered the store. This wouldn't seem that odd, she might have gone straight to 7, but I know Mother- she must go down every single row of goods.
How did she get there so quickly?

When I found her on 7, she was walking away from me, so I waited at the end, running back and forth between the aisles so that whichever one she came down I would be at. I didn't see her at either... 2 seconds later she was coming out of the beer section which is 5 lanes down and on the other side of the store. I would have had to see her if she ended there! I asked her if she was Crouching Tiger or Hidden Dragon. She said she was Awesome Shopper.

I want to rent a video tonight, but I don't know which one to get. Any suggestions?
(Nothing serious! Give me scary or comical)

Stepfather and Mother were having sexual innuendo night... at the dinner table. I thought I was going to boot. I might have. I'm trying to block the evening out of my head.

Sister Raina was in town last night and brought her fiddle along for the ride. She plays fiddle and upright bass. Her fiance plays banjo and guitar. If could do all of them at the same time they'd be the coolest band ever!
*She taught me how to play a couple of chords and for some reason the A# hates me. I don't know why. I never did anything to it!

Vicki called me last night. Why I love her: We had a thirty minute conversation and managed to talk about the following (and in enough detail we both felt better afterwards):
1. Her wedding (dress, wine, other bride maids and shower)
2. Her office drama
3. My office drama
4. Rizzo's birthday
5. Subsequently, a boy (if you used to read my old blog, you can probably figure out who it was)
6. The Bachelor
7. Her plans for the night
8. My not plans for the night

Kindred, we are...

Mother just called my cell- after I answered she said "Oh! I meant to call the other one!"
Ten seconds later she called my office line. "Mother, it's still me..." "Oh... How are you honey?"

It's a good thing we talked though- she was on her way to pick up jumper cables for a young man's car that had stalled out on her road. I told her that under no circumstances should she go back by herself- take the dog or Stepfather! "Oh, it's okay, it's Blake (my ex-husband's cousin). Well, great then.
Is this how my day is going to begin?

So what's my happy today? I need one desperately. Any givers?

Photographic Recap

2009-03-03T08:03:00.012-05:00

SATURDAY Happy Birthday, Rizzo! Saturday night was a blast. The band was amazing, as always-

And I might have madeout with everyone. Except the birthday boy, of course... We danced, we sang, we partied. Well, a bit too much-

SUNDAY

I didn't move until 7ish Sunday night. I am such trash...

MONDAY Shenanigans!

it all started like this...

and quickly turned into... weirdness

Co-Worker #1 & #2:

Co-worker #3 :

Co-Worker #4 did not wish to participate...

I can't even imagine why not...

Terms and Titles

2009-02-26T08:10:00.005-05:00

Well... it just has to be said:
I know my mother raised me right, because I hated her when I was a teenager and now she's my best friend.**

Ah, there's that term again. Best friend.
What exactly does it mean?
JMS and I had the most interesting conversation this morning about best friends. When I was a kid, I had a slew of them (not kidding, probably had 6 or 7 halves of those BFF hearts necklaces), while in high school the number dived to 4. The older I get, the less best friends I have. Here's what I do have...

Rachel and Raina- every time someone asks me who my best friend is, I have to say, "Other than my sisters?". They are the ones who know me inside and out. Know where I came from, know what my dreams have been since I have been able to convey them (and they know the ones I can't put into words), they know where I embellish a story, and they know when I say "don't tell anyone" it means anyone other that the other sister and Mother. There is a divine amount of trust and security that binds us all together. They're my sisters, a title I think goes far beyond 'best friend'.

Then there is Jennifer Lazarini. I called her my best friend when I lived in Memphis. This is a girl who's lifestyle is as far removed from mine as possible- and though we may only talk once a year, each conversation seems to have no time lapse. When we first met, I was married and living in domesticated bliss and she was a total wild child. Then I got divorced and slipped on my party shoes, and she married the guy I got into a bar fight with. She is the first person outside of my family that I asked to be a bridesmaid after I got engaged the second time. She said, "Of course, who is this guy?" Then when the relationship ended I called to tell her her services were no longer needed and she said, "No problem, who was that guy?" I'd do anything in this world for her and confident she would do the same.
Rizzo. Hands down I'd say he is my best friend now- but I think it's a title I have to give him because no one would understand the relationship we have if it wasn't defined that way. If I say "oh, we're just friends" it sounds like we're keeping things on the down low. So I've title him that way, but I'll be honest- we have a great friendship, and I couldn't imagine my life without him, but I'm not going to call him when my uterus explodes or I find a great pair of shoes on sale.

Vicki French. Oh Vic... we met when she started dating Rizzo (it only lasted for a few weeks) and I truly believe that they got together for the sole purpose of us finding each other. At the time, Rizzo was living with me so Vicki was at my house pretty much every day. I loved her from the first moment I met her. It's hard not to, actually. It always surprises me when someone says they don't like her (I automatically think they are jealous and laugh at them) because she is picture perfect in beauty, she has the kindest soul and the sweetest heart. Even though I'm 5'2 and she's 5'8, I'm constantly feeling the need to protect her and take car of her. I'd destroy someone in .2 seconds for even looking at her cross. She is one of the most important people in my life and it's so odd, because even when I (used to :)) do something so despicably awful, she'd give me a hug and say "I love you. You're still beautiful to me." Best friend doesn't seem like enough of a title for her. I'd say she's like my sisters in that way, but 'sister' is a title only Raina and Rachel will ever have. So where does that leave Vicki?

Then there is the amazing JMS. She's another one it would be easy to call my best friend, but that isn't enough! I've known her the shortest time, but I know her. We're completely different in the main aspects of our lives, but somehow those things only add to the dimensions of our friendship. I talk to her every day and most time she knows things about me before anyone else. There are no taboo subjects between us. We get that the other one is essentially crazy and fundamentally dorky and we have good clean fun together. Most of the time I feel like I'm in high school when we hang out and I love that we become total girls when we're together. I'm waiting for the day when we get to have a slumber party and paint our fingernails and try out different make-up and experiment with off-the-wall hair styles. But she's also the first adult friendship I've had. As my life grows and lightens she is my confident in very real, very life changing events. It's so odd, because nothing the other one does really impact our independent futures, but I hope to heaven that I will be around her long enough to see the amazing and beautiful twists and turns her life will take.

Then I've got the "girls" (most of the time, this term refers to my boobs, but not today). They are the everyday girls that I can call for a drink or go visit out of state and generally with whom I pass the time. They are dear, dear friends- but not even close to best.

So where does that leave me? Am I getting too old for the term "best friend"?
Personally, I don't think it's a bad trade for what I get instead.

**This post was going to be about something pertaining to Mother, but I went off on a tangent. It's what happens when I don't control myself! I had to change the title and everything. Oh well, looks like I'll post "My Parents Are Gross" tomorrow...

You're horribly fascinated by that, aren't you?

New Job(s)

2009-02-25T08:11:00.004-05:00

For this post to make sense, I have to go back a few days...

Rizzo bought me Season 1 of Flight of the Conchords a few weeks ago so that I could have something to do until Season 2 started- keep in mind, he has never seen an episode before!

After he bought it, I made him watch one of my favorites and of course he was hooked on the show. This was a pivotal turning point in the inception of Flight Night (Sundays where I go over to his house and watch it). This past Sunday was the start of Season 2, but it was also the Oscars. I have to watch the Oscars. There is no choice. My sisters and I used to have Oscar parties. I can't remember a year when the three of us didn't watch them...

Then Rachel left for Atlanta for undergrad and it wasn't the same for me and Raina. We'd all watch it (Raina and I together and Rachel in her dorm, I assume) and talk on the telephone about our predictions, gowns, speeches, etc.

Then Raina went off and got hitched and that was the end of sister Oscar Night. I watch it on my own now, which hasn't been much fun.

When I told Rizzo that I was watching the Oscars in lieu of FoC, he said he'd TiVo and I could watch it later.

Here is where this was all heading:

I thought later came last night at 6P. It didn't.

When he called it was to flip out over not knowing how to study for his midterm. His midterm is today at noon.

I'm not sure that he's really the collegiate type. He hadn't read 75% of the material (as an effect, he didn't know 75% of the terms on the study guide). Let this be a lesson to those of you still in school! Don't be like Rizzo... You might not have friends like me who turn into a life-size Cliff Note.

We studied until 9 at which point I told him that he was on his own to review. He said, "Okay, I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and do it, I'm going downtown to have a beer now" What? What? What?

I told him there would be no more help with papers or studying, or buying him presents if he even dared to go out! I'm not kidding either. I have no way of finding out if he did or not, but I like the threat anyway.

So I might get a new job studying for people. He felt ridiculously better about his impending D to C basis after I helped him, maybe I can help out other non-college minded individuals as well. I'll let you know how that one works out...

Back to the Oscars now!

When Sean Penn won I was excited about what the win meant for the movie, not necessarily for Mr. Penn. Afterward, my mother said to me, "Isn't that the guy who used to beat up Madonna?" "Yes, mother, that's him." Mother, after a pause, "I don't think he did a good enough job. She's still singing."

Oh, mother- how I love you more than the sunshine...

I was not happy about Slumdog Millionaire winning Best Picture. It was a great movie, it really, really was- but my loyalties lay with Bruce Cohen. Always. He was robbed. I love Bruce...

Next time, baby! Next time you'll get 'em!

If he'd give me my job back, I'd make sure of it.

Hint* Wink* Sigh*

Pay no attention to me in the picture- that was six years ago and I have since stopped looking like a twelve year old...

On another job-related note, my writer's block is no more!

This morning on the way to work I decided what to write for the KWC challenge! I'm so excited, I just can't hide it! I'm about to loose control- Stop! I'll have that in my head all day if I don't stop it now...

I'm thinking of a way to turn my new one page challenge story into a book... and more importantly, a royalty check.

Again, I'll let you know how that works out.

With the exception of the 3 hours I spent with Rizzo last night, I spent the entire day reading Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I'm still processing it. I do know enough to say that i look forward to the sequel.

Oddly enough, I've had a nightmare about a similar situation. I think that's why it's taking me so long to put my thoughts about it in order. Hm.

Apologies, Etc.

2009-02-23T10:07:00.002-05:00

Reoccurring nightmare? Check.
Having a nightmare that was even worse minutes after I get back to sleep? Check.
I’m tired…

and I’m a bad, bad friend.
Apparently a Knoxville native reads my blog, because someone went into the bar where Rizzo works and recognized him from my 'girlfriend search post'. Oh dear.

Since he was on the extreme side of upset, he wouldn’t answer my phone calls. So I came up with a song to serenade him with until he decided to forgive me. It worked… I don’t know if it was so I would not ever sing to him again or if it was just time to give in.
This is what I came up with:

You can’t be mad at me forever,
No, you can’t be mad at me forever-
Cause I don’t play the flute
Or wear a man’s suit
And I’m super, super, super, duper cute.
You can’t be mad at me forever,
No you can’t be made at me forever-
Cause I said that I was wrong
and I wrote this awesome song
And you’ll want to talk to me before too long

He loves me desperately, so I knew he’d come along eventually.
That and I’m fairly certain he remembers that I bought him a present for his birthday- and I only buy people the best gifts for their birthday.

My mother called me this morning at work while she was playing around on Facebook. She asked me if she could join the group “Jewish World Order” even if she wasn’t Jewish...
I guess she can, right?

Translator by birth:
My cousin mentioned on one of her Facebook 25 things note that her favorite movie was Can’t Buy Me Love.
I commented “and that makes you a prostitute."
My sister had to explain to the cousin that I didn’t think she was a prostitute, Bobby thought Cindy was one. Jeez, if it’s one of your favorites, you should know that quote as well as you know the African Anteater Ritual! My favorite quote from that movie is where Ronald finally tracks Cindy down, and he's so close to tears it hurts, and he says, "Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself."

Oh Patrick, how I still love you...

*I’m in love these things that can be bought:
1. My wingtip heels (I forgot how comfortable they are!)
2. The absence of peeling polish on my nails.
3. Rereading Twilight.
4. Cold pizza.
5. Hot chocolate.
*Because I'm enjoying them all at this very moment!

Witches and Ramblings

2009-02-20T08:32:00.002-05:00

I was in a funk all day yesterday. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's a doozie. That all ended, of course, when JMS invited me over to her house after work for some quality girl time.
I had an absolute blast...The children are adorable and so polite! Kiddo was showing me all his race cars and I might have been a little too enthusiastic about it- When I asked to see yet another one he very politely said, "Um, I think I'm going to put them back in my room, please." It's probably for the best; they were really cool cars and I might have tried to klepto a few of them.
After the kids went to bed, we watched Practical Magic which I have never seen before. I loved it!

I dropped into bed as soon as I arrived home- wore my self out, I guess. I had a dream the night before last that was really very strange. Now it's a reoccurring dream. I didn't wake up screaming this time, but I still woke up at dawn and couldn't go back to sleep. Which turned out for the best because this morning's sunrise was unbelievable! The sky was electric pink and there was a slight mist hanging over the Lake Loudon. It was a dreamland. I considered running for my camera, but there was no force in the world that could have pulled me away from the view even for a second.
My blah yesterday turned out really well, and apparently it's still going strong.

JMS came up with a new challenge for the Knox Writing Club, but now I'm finding myself at a loss for what to write. Sigh.

My poopy (not a typo) dog's 12th birthday is coming up around the corner. I am at a loss for what to get him... I know he likes food, toys and biting runners- but what kind of present do you get for the dog that has everything???

*For those of you who need a good laugh this morning, ask JMS about getting a fingernail stuck in her ear.

Pass it On

2009-02-17T14:56:00.009-05:00

My girl JMS received an award today for her blog. Her first ever which is seriously making her day. She really does deserve it... I love her blog!

And she passed it on to me, so thanks for that too, my pretty:)

I haven't had much time to follow my favorite blogs since Thursday, which is a tragedy I recently remedied. One site I am overly fond of, Flux Capacitor, had a list of 8 people (dead or alive) she would want to invite to a dinner party.

'm trying to recreate the magic here, with a list of 8 people I would love to share apricot flambe with...

*No authors (poet or otherwise) will make my list. I refuse to chose between the people that all contribute to making sure I have something to do on a Saturday night.

1. My dad. I miss him like hell.

2. Jesus. Come on, what I wouldn't give to pick that brain. And maybe play mad-libs.

3. Henry VIII. I want a few words with him about his treatment of women.

4. Albert Einstein. He didn't have a lot of friends, you know. And I'm pretty sure he would get wild after a couple champagne cocktails.

5. Che Guevara. Battle of Las Mercedes, anyone? He was a brilliant revolutionary. And not too bad on the eyes. And if Fidel wanted to come, cigars would be a delightful hostess gift.

6. Margaret Sanger. Of course I'd want her there! I'd sit her next to Henry.

7. Alfred Hitchcock. Revolutionized film and scared the shit out of me. Unfortunately, we've devolved since then and continue to make American Pie movies.

8. All my favorite bloggers. Yes, yes. Come and dine with me!

What about you? Who would you invite to dinner?

I had an exceptionally long conversation with my best friend last night. His girlfriend (of like, 3 months) broke up with him. This is the second time she's done it, because the first one didn't take- probably went something like this, Girl: I want to see other people. Rizzo: No.

He is tenacious.

My goal now is to find him a girl. There really are no requirements other than she must be short (Rizzo is short). He is a good looking kid, loves sports and is a semester away from graduating with a sociology degree. Well, maybe the girl should have money as well- he might not make any. He is a sweet, sensitive guy (seriously, for the women, of the women and by the women- but he doesn't cry) straight out of New York, but I think he loves the south. Most importantly, he will treat you very, very well.

Distance isn't an issue either- he will move for the right girl. I'll pack him myself.

If you'd like to check him out in action, he'll be at Manhattan's in Knoxville, TN on February 28th. Look for the short guy playing drums with the band. And don't be alarmed if he is a little intoxicated; it's his birthday.

If you do come, don't mention I was blogging to find him a girlfriend.

*It's not a great picture- but it's the only one I have on my work computer. On second thought, if you see the girl that's also in the picture, don't mention it to her either.

Miscellaneous (Re)Collections

2009-02-17T09:02:00.005-05:00

I received an e-mail yesterday from the girl I lived with in France. She wrote in English, but gave up halfway through her e-mail to resort back to French. I am chagrined to say that my grasp of the language is not quite what it used to be, but I was so proud that I understood it!

Of course that is not saying much. I was always better at reading and listening than the actual speaking.

I’m planning a trip to London in July to visit my dear friend Derek, and now I am thinking of extending my European tour to add Emilie. Who knows, I might never come back to the states…

This is apparently the picture edition of my blog site. Cannot resist sharing this!

I mentioned yesterday that I was moving things out of my room for window repairs, and I came across a few old pictures.

This is one of my favorites of my sisters and me:

Since I’m at it, here is one of Emilie:

And Derek:

I went to my junior Prom with this guy:

Five things that are making me happy at this very moment:

1. My frappuccino

2. My boss is in a good mood, which means the day will go fairly well

3. The crossword puzzle I'm about to start

4. The note I wrote myself last night to remind me to be happy today

5. That I didn't lose my virginity to my junior year prom date.

On an unrelated note, my mother and I practiced a bit of past-life regression this past Sunday night. I’m certain I did it wrong, because I don’t think I’ve ever been a backwoods country girl with red toenail polish… Well, I’m very, very close to certain. But it was an amazing adventure none the less, and quite relaxing too!

Sunday Sermon

Mud rides hip high to streams

rocks polished with trickery

impatient to ground

unsure feet.

But water is reflection.

Little girl with pigtails,

her cheeks rosy with

the abandonment of

clocks and obligations.

She tells me to open my eyes

and I wake in time for the offering.

I’m in love with my world today.

Everything seems brighter, warmer, more peaceful and caring.

How is your world today, my lovelies?

Adventures in Little Five Points

2009-02-16T08:20:00.002-05:00

Overheard at work while enjoying some cake:

I didn't put a baby in it so it's safe to eat.

Oh, this is going to be quite a long post! So much happened in the 404 this weekend...

I love going to Atlanta, especially because 3/8 of my immediate family live there. My car, on the other hand, absolutely despises Atlanta. I can understand why it feels this way- it will generally get hit (3 times so far) by an uncaring visitor from another house who doesn't believe in putting the car in reverse in order to escape from parallel parking. Or perhaps a resident dog is abhorrent of the color silver and believes his civic dog duty is to lift its leg against the hue of my car's paint. But this one is by far the best... Someone tried to jimmy my gas door open in order to siphon gas. Unfortunately, the gas door doesn't open without being asked to from inside the car (there's a handy little button I always confuse with the trunk opener) and so these Gas-less Wonders tried to pry it open. If I had known siphoning was a problem, I would have left the door open! I'd rather loose the quarter tank I arrived with to be taken than have to replaced the door.
So now I have a spectacular ding on my bumper (I haven't had time to fix since my previous ATL visit) and my gas door doesn't close. My car is a white trash wonderland...

But now for the actual visit!
On Friday night (Mr. Bear was already crib-sleeping) my sister and I celebrated my arrival with a bottle of champagne! I do love champagne- except when I drink it in my favorite hole-in-the-wall bar and the High Life connoisseurs make fun of me. When the champagne was despairingly empty, we moved on to a bottle of Korean red wine that was a gift from her stylist. It tasted like Welch's Grape Juice. It wasn't horrible, or even bad- it just wasn't what my palate was expecting. C'est la vie, oui?

For Valentine's Day, Sister gave her Husband the wonderful gift of acquiescence. He has wanted to start bike riding for some time, but Sister thinks helmets are tres lame and therefore has always voted 'nay' for such a hobby. For Valentines day, she bought two bikes, a bike rack and a bike seat for Mr. Bear. The three of us are now arguing this point: I think Mr. Bear needs a chariot (it's actually called that- a biking apparatus that sits low to the ground behind the bike) in case the parents take a spill (he'll be close to the ground, therefore less likely to hurt himself). The parents bought a bike seat because the chariot would take up too much room and its hard to navigate. I'm still having issues with them. I'll get over it when that sweet little baby is, oh- I don't know- 35?

Sister received two tickets to Flight of the Conchords for Valentine's. I'm making my jealous face right now, can you tell? See it? I'm still sporting it... I might take a picture and post it later.

Sister and I are going to buy our tickets for the 70th anniversary of Gone With the Wind at the Fox Theatre! GWTW is one of my favorite books of all time, and surprisingly enough, one of my favorite movies! Random Trivia: Mamie beats out Scarlett 9 out of 10 times as the most popular name from GWTW for southern babies. Why? Every mother answered the same: Mamie was the (physically, emotionally, and mentally) strongest character in the novel. Most of those surveyed said strongest in any book they've read.

Valentine's Day night Mr. Bear and I partied (played games) to the break of dawn (8:30P). There was one toy I wasn't sure about, but he, in all of his 7 month infinite wisdom, showed me the ropes. Dear Lord I love him more than any thing else in this world!

I arrived back home late on Sunday night and began moving all belongings from my room to the guest room so my windows can be replaced. Sigh.

No poetry today, folks. I still have memory of Mr. Bear's baby smell, and that's enough beauty for me today.

Ask, And Ye Shall Recieve

2009-02-12T08:43:00.005-05:00

My first participant of "send Pearl some pics" is the lovely Aaron Parker in Knoxville, Tennessee- it's a picture taken in 1911 when Niagara Falls was completely frozen!

Thank you, my darling! The rest of you should follow suite and amaze me! I will say pleasant things about you...

Now for the serious.

I have been bothered by something for the past couple of days, and I really shouldn't be... I follow a blog that is a daily celebration of my friend's family and life. It's day-to-day things, but the way she lives and reacts is so beautiful. I noticed and questioned why she took one of her quotes off her blog. She told me that some people got the wrong impression of how she feels towards her family (the quote was funny and flippant).

There are so many different forms of expression that to be stuck in one is no kind of expression at all! Who says you can't be multi-faceted? My love for my family does not extinguish my humor, and because I've had blessings does not mean I have not had tragedies.

I might have that out of my system now.
We’ll see…

Here is the poem I mentioned yesterday:

Barren

Glory is found in fields
other than fertility.
I’ll not bend for husband & brother
or suckle Horus at my breast.
My vagina is more
than a passage way for men.
Praise Isis her honor,
it is not mine.

Normally with such a poem, I would preface as to not offend the masses. But now I'm not because I'm feeling childish, and I don't have to preface it because it's mine and not yours and you're not the boss of me...

Most people have an inner-child... mine is definitely an outie. I think there is a necessary release of inhibitions, consequences and coolness- being cool is the antitheses of childhood. When I go around my office building trying to get people choreographed into a Jets/Sharks like rumble, it isn't cool- but it makes me feel good.

I'm exhausted now, so I'm going to sit back and daydream away the hours.

Confession of an Intermittent Blogger

2009-02-11T08:51:00.004-05:00

Has it really been a week since I posted?

My life has been a little crazy this week. Last night I finished a school paper on the Dynastic and Sumerian civilizations and their concepts of kingship.

My brain works on a funny little level, free association is only the tip of my mental iceberg- so while coming across different religious themes and aspect- I had the urge to revisit the Bhagavad Gita. I have not read the entire Mahabharata in three or four years, and the Bhagavad Gita always appealed to me. Once the urge hit, I was unable to drift to sleep until I read a few passages. The strength of the story and characters, and of course the allegory always amaze me!

It reminded me of a time many years ago that I had the opportunity to hear the original sanskrit versus sung the way they were intended, and that I had once desperately planned to travel to India. Where did that ferocity go? I haven't thought about India in too many years, but suddenly, here it is again.

I guess some dreams really are old friends.

Speaking of friends... do I have an out there that would provide me lodging during visit to India? I'll bring cupcakes and smiles.

On a separate but equal note, I was turned on to a new photographer. This man, I would let take my picture. Sometimes I daydream that I am a photographer. But alas, I can see the beauty in the world, but I can not capture it!

If you are reading this, and you are a photographer, please send me some pictures or your website link. I love to look at beautiful things...

I wrote a poem last night, and though it is not a happy one, I fell in love with it anyway. It is, of course, in the 8th volume of my journal, but I'll post it tomorrow and maybe someone out there that will find it as therapeutic as I do, or at least see the strength in my fragile subject.

Random Musings

2009-02-05T16:00:00.004-05:00

When I went out to defrost my car this morning (yes, it's still cold and my sun dances are obviously not working) I noticed that my defrost fluid was frozen in the lines. I had to laugh because my dear friend JMS was lamenting this very problem only yesterday.

I woke up at 5 this morning and after getting ready for work I had nothing to do for almost 2 hours. I took the new book I'm reading, The Little Friend, upstairs to pass the time. I passed too much time and was 20 minutes late for work. Instead of getting upset and driving like a mad woman to the office, I stopped by Starbucks for a cup of coffee (which I never allow myself) and drove the road to work at a reasonable pace.

I knew a woman named Sarah (please remind me at some point to tell you her amazing story!)who died at a very respectable 92 years. Every morning, Sarah would have a cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate. Every night she had a brandy and a cigarette. She said her favorite things in life were coffee, brandy, chocolate, and cigarettes. She practiced this daily ritual for 60 years. Apparently when her husband of 15 years died suddenly, she wanted to make sure she lived everyday being happy.

I felt a bit like Sarah today.

I started a blog last April as a type of therapy. I started this one because I realized how almost every post was so negatively written. I'm not going to take it down, because I think its important to not forget the things that help personal growth. This blog is the turning of a new leaf for me, but as much as the other one helped me see things a bit more clearly it's time to let it go.

I am without a partner for this Valentine's Day. It is the first time, and therefore foreign and a bit scary. I never before thought that Valentine's Day was that big of a deal. In the years I was with someone during this time, we'd either celebrate or not celebrate- depending on the mood. When I wasn't with a significant other, I had my girlfriends around me for that day.

I don't think of Valentine's Day of an unfortunate holiday- in fact, I've never really thought of it as a holiday at all. Except this year... My girlfriends are in relationships and I am not. The closer it gets to the 14th the more I start to worry.

That is, I worried before I came up with an absolutely brilliant plan!

Almost 7 months ago my sister gave birth to the most perfect human to ever set foot on earth. I'm not bias, I promise. He really is the best baby. He is so spectacular to me- I dream about him, think about him, worry about him all the time. Sometimes I can't even believe that he isn't my own.

Needless to say, my sister and her equally incredible husband don't get a lot of time to themselves. Instead of worrying away a weekend with Valentine's Day anguish, I'm going to visit Atlanta and hang out with my munchkin while his parents go out and celebrate. Mr. Bear (as he is affectionately referred to by all in the family) is going to be my Valentine and already I can tell that this will be the best Valentine's Day ever. He is my heart's joy, my soul's song.

Pleasure Reading

2009-02-05T08:31:00.004-05:00

Is there any such thing as "pleasure reading" for an English Major? I was taught all throughout my college career (anf even before then by my sisters) to read in a certain way. Paying attention to the themes, the symbolism, and what isn't being written as much as what is. There are very, very few books that I can read once. Generally, I read it first with my collegiate instincts and then the second time for the joy of the story.

I have to admit I am a romance novel junkie. They are such easy reads, slide into the dream of two characters who, with such little conflict it's almost comical, end up with each other. My favorite part about these types of books is that the two people know they are supposed to be with each other. There is never a male protagonist who thinks, yeah- she's just like the other ones, but I'm getting old so I'll settle. My life is as far from a romance novel as possible. So the one exception to my rule of reading is romance novels.

I love a good mystery/thriller/suspense novel as well- unfortunately, I can't read it for pleasure. I generally guess who it is before the 6th chapter. Good detective skills? No. A writer can -9 out of 10 times- guess where another writer is going. I've only been stumped once.

A couple of days ago I started reading a suspense novel called Trickster by a Scottish writer. The book's main focus is Canadian-Indian heritage. For the first time in ages I read a book for the story. The night I finished it, I just sat down and cried.

Like most Americans, I am a mixed breed of several different countries. The most prominent is the Italian side of me- my grandmother is full blooded and I spent most of my childhood with her. But she always noted that where now its "cool" to have different ancestral blood, it wasn't always the case. My grandmother made it a point to tell us about the trials most immigrants faced in the "New Country" because she married a German/Irish/Choctaw. My father was an American mix- he had it all. The most prominent of his heritage was Chickamogee Cherokee.

Maybe I had such a strong reaction to this book and the cruel treatment of the Canadian Indians because it is another part of who my family is and ,by short extension, who I am.

So I read this book that thankfully ended well and I realized that I had just "pleasure read" my way to tears. It woke in me all these memories of my childhood and ancestral past that have since been clouded by my joy of over priced handbags and other accessories.

Therapy comes in many forms. Mine is, without a doubt, poetry. So after giving myself a night of sorrow, I started writing.

Totem Tree

I follow the path of so many before me
down to the river, past the stump of
old maple

torn down.
No chants now- only folded hands. Tears
make trails down my face as they fall

toward the ground to create a map of my
grandfather's land. Years ago he told tales
of his father and his father's father. My

grandfather was Buffalo King. He would say
Listen to the wind. It tells stories of days before
we were born to cherish and pass down.

New Dawn, New Day

2009-02-04T08:57:00.003-05:00

I live off a road that is both treacherous and thrilling. It is a 3 mile stretch of hairpin curves up a slight mountain. On a spring day, with the windows down and the foot heavy on the gas- there is no other feeling! However, the weather in the hills and valleys of Tennessee does not always remember that it is in the south. Sometimes, it does not act accordingly to the laws we have set forth: It is either fall, spring or summer. Winter has no place here.

Winter has laughed at our rules, turning that mountain road into a curiously misplaced ski slalom. I am, for the first time, without 4WD during the winter. So this 3 mile curve took me 20 minutes to drive.

Lucky, though- While driving at a snail's pace, hands griping the steering wheel as if that would help in the event of a slip- I noticed a young girl waiting for the school bus. Actually, I noticed her dance first, and the girl second. I have never seen someone dance with such abandon, except when I had tickets to the show.

This performance was free. Take that whichever way you choose- it was meant for both.

This is for the little girl who made me smile on the way to work...

Ballet Dancer at Fourteen

she moves slow as heartbreak

quick as memory. she is time, it

rushes past with hurried steps-

blends youth and fear into pirouettes

step easy

toe heel

mind the eggshells of egos

step easy

she is the quiet before the fury

the still form of silence ahead of

change in the air

music in her begins a new beat

left hand strokes right arm

brushes away youth

right hand strokes left arm

sweeps away fear

Step

ground shakes

Step Hard

body turns

Step!

she leaves behind uncertainty

leaves only dance.

What is your beauty today?