A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again

March, I bid you a sweet adieu!

...don’t tell the others, but you are my favorite month…

I will try to be very gracious in welcoming April.

I Guess It Was Good

I had to leave work early on Friday because I could not risk contaminating everyone around me.
Unable to see my cutiepatootie doctor, I went to the clinic. Did you know there are about a thousand different medications to clear up my angry sinus problem? Did you know I'm allergic to 999 of them? Instead of something that works, I got a prescription for Pseudoephedrine.
At any given point in the day, my body is running on 1200 mg of this stuff. And its a non-drowsy formula so I've been high as a kite for 3 days. I kind of like it.
Since I was on new medication and have a problem driving anyway (I fall asleep after more than 4 hours in a car, especially if I'm the one driving) I decided it was a bad idea to go to North Carolina. Which is a good thing because Lisa was sick too.

The plan was to stay home and sleep.

I ended up gardening, painting the guest bedroom, hanging blinds, buying furniture, steam cleaning the carpets and sterilizing every surface that couldn't be dusted.
I did not sleep.

But I do feel very accomplished!

It Was Definitely One of the Three'C's

Last night's nose surgery had to be cancelled.

Instead my friend Gina and I went to a concert series held at the Bijou Theatre.
It is a great show, and if you're ever around the Knoxville area on the last Wednesday of the month you need to pony up the $10 and see it!


Before the show my bloodstream was still completely diluted with cold medicine and I stupidly add a shot of whiskey and 2 beers to the mix.
Not my crowing moment, folks.


Then after the show Gina took us, and almost drunk drove us into oncoming traffic, back west to the bar where we had met to go downtown. I was completely anxious after the car ride and didn't feel to swift by the time we got to The Hill.
I ordered chicken tenders there because I hadn't eaten all day and thought that it would help me feel better. Awful decision!


Not a Problem: I got home about 11ish and went to bed.
Huge Problem: Three hours later I'm hanging over the business end of the toilet wondering what went wrong.
Four hours after that I'm at it again, while trying to multitask my morning routine so I won't be late for work (I was 30 minutes late, egad!).


I'm still not sure what happened last night.
It was either the cold medicine (unlikely because I only had 3 drinks in a 6 hour period)
or the company (I really did think Gina was going to crash)
or the chicken (could have been bad. I was eating on autopilot at the time)


Or some strange combination of the three.


Regardless- I'm feeling much better now. I'm even going to cancel the whole rhinoplasty thing because of the hysterical comments I got yesterday.
My blog girls are the best blog girls!

Pearl's Extreme Makeover!

That's right... I'm getting a nose job- rhinoplasty for those that like to be technical. I've been weighing the pros and cons of this decision and today I finally committed.
This evening at 5:00, when I get in from work- I have an appointment in my bathroom with a sharpened kitchen knife. It coming off!
Maybe then I won't have this revolting sinus problem anymore...

Seriously- I've gone through a box of tissue since 8 a.m.

I'll reveal the new look tomorrow:)

For Emma

The incredibly talented Emma was tagged to Show Your Heart, and passed it along to her readers.

This could quite possibly be the hardest thing I've ever done... choosing just one? Is that possible?

Obviously, yes- struggle, struggle, struggle and finally reveal.

So this is for Emma, and of course I pass it along to all my lovlies!

With as much creativity as you can muster, show your heart in:

1 picture

1 poem

1 song or piece of music

1 phrase or quote

1 item of clothing

1 place

[And just for fun-] 1 Disney princess!

Picture:

Serving Hands- I find this picture unbelievably beautiful, not just for what it shows, but for what it exists from. There is nothing more stunning than the power of love and generosity. For all of my faults, I always strive to do good. To be good. This is my heart...

Poem:

Oh Lucille Clifton! The lady destroys me so that sometimes I think there is nothing left of me but the picture she creates in my head. Bless her for that... and for all her words that have the power to find me in whatever emotional cave I might be hiding.

Wont You Celebrate With Me

won't you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

Song or Piece of Music

Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata…

It was the piece of music I heard in my dreams. It’s the only piece of music I can still play without looking at the notes…

Phrase or Quote:

From the Picture of Dorian Gray, "Here is the first passionate love-letter I have ever written in my life. Strange, that my first passionate love-letter should have been addressed to a dead girl. Can they feel, I wonder, those white silent people we call the dead?"

I've reread this book so many times I can't keep up with the current number- this line I can say with all certainty I have read that many times plus a hundred more.

Item of Clothing

If dresses could talk... I want to lounge around in this one until Rhett sweeps me off my feet and makes me feel like a woman.

Place:

Besançon, France. I don't think any other place ever compelled me to write with such abandon, though I might have been channeling Victor Hugo a bit:) I felt absolutely fearless there!

Disney Princess
I'm going to cheat a little...
You see, I've never really gotten my knickers in a twist over Disney princesses... but I have a total girl crush on Belle from Beauty and the Beast. What an amazing animated role model!


A huge thank you to Fine Little Love for inspiring me to take the time to do this. I have this happy little feeling sitting on my shoulders now...
Don't believe me? Try it... go on and pick one for each and let me know what you come up with!

My Parents

As I was driving home from work I received a call from my mother's cell phone.
It was my stepfather, so I'm automatically worried that something has happened.


Stepfather: You need to come home now! Your mother has broken the telephone. And she's drunk!
Me: I'm 5 minutes away. Don't scare me like that!
Stepfather: You haven't seen anything yet...


At home, my mother is in the kitchen frying steak and gulping a martini.
I fix the phone, mother is giggling...


Stepfather: This is awful... simply awful!
Mother: I've been drunker.
Me: How did the phone break?
Mother: I dropped it.
Me: Where
Mother: Against the wall.
Me: Were you talking to your mother or sister
Mother: My sister. And I super glued my fingers together...


AN HOUR LATER:

Stepfather: I'm reading War & Peace. There's too much peace, not enough war.
Mother: At least its not Anna Karenina.
Me: I liked both.
Mother: Anna Karenina was a manic depressive idiot. Left her husband and kids for a guy going off to war- well I'll tell you, there's a reason he left too. She was a nut job... threw herself on a railroad track! Certifiable basket case, that one.
Stepfather: Tolstoy's an okay writer- but if he lived today he'd be the best soap opera writer of all time!
Me: I need a drink.

My Usual Awesomness...

... will be subpar today.

I am totally exhausted.

Not my fault.

I blame Summit Entertainment and boys that are young enough to be my- well, younger brother. Actually...

I had to reread new moon after the movie, so let's just put all the onus on Stephenie Meyer and call it a day.

When We Get Together

My friend Vicki and my friend JMS have never met before (even though JMS did her amazing invitations) which has been difficult, I'm sure, because I always talk to each of them about the other one. Saturday night was the remedy for such bad behaviour on my part- the three of us met at Nama for dinner...We devoured everything...except this guy...Sweet friends and sushi... does life get better?

Casual, Yet Cool Friday

Only the cool kids wear blazers and jeans on Fridays...Yep... It's how we roll.

for her heartbreak

there was a time I curled inside of you
now I tuck you into the heart of me
and i will keep you there
forever and ever


do not cry today my sweet, beautiful mother...
there is too much love for sad tears

Happy St. Patrick's Day

i've pinched 18 people in my building today...

and it's not even noon.

Lauren & Tommy

THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED! her: yep, we're going to get married and have babies. I mean, not this weekend- we're just going to chill this weekend...

him: I love her. God help me.

Odd Correlations and Quotation Overload

This post is a bit awkward… just bear with me if you can.

Driving home yesterday after work I saw a man totally flipping out in the car in front of me. His arms were flailing everywhere and he seemed to be more in the passenger seat than the driver’s (I’m sure he would have wound up in the backseat if it weren’t for the seatbelt - safety first). The lines of the road meant nothing to him as he weaved the entire expanse of the interstate. I knew exactly how he felt. If I had met this guy 1-4 years ago, in a bar, he would have been my next poor decision. As it is, I just shook my head and attempted to get past him without wrecking. I slightly succeeded.

Speaking of poor decisions, I was engaged to this boy for a while a couple of years ago. He had a friend named Brett and Brett had a girlfriend named Lisa (they live in North Carolina so I it took a while for me to meet them). Poor decision told me I’d love Brett because he was awesome (I doubted this because none of Poor Decisions friends were what I’d describe as “awesome”, and he told me that I’d love Lisa because she read a lot. Hm.

Let me just say that I might have had to go through all that hell with Poor Decision, just so I could meet these people. They really are wonderful. Now they are getting ready to move to the West Coast and I’m afraid that I will never see them again because it has been hard enough to make the trip to NC. But they are moving farther away from me soon, so I am planning a trip to Raleigh to see them at the end of the month. The three of us have so much to catch up on! One topic of conversation will definitely be the girl who Facebook stalked me to get my number so she could get Brett’s number. She has been calling me almost every day. I haven’t answered because I’m more than slightly afraid of her. And for the record, Lisa and I rarely talk about books (unless one of us finds a particularly good trashy romance novel). There just isn’t enough time after our politically/socially/mentally incorrect conversations.
I fear I might miss them more than I already do. Thank the gods for e-mail!

I don’t consider myself a religious person (spiritual, absolutely). However, if you were to ask me what religion I am I always say Catholic (how I was raised) but I never go to church (unless it’s for confession, because I’m one of those people who want a safety net… just in case) and when I pray it’s to a different kind of god than what I grew up with, and Jesus very rarely gets a shot out from me. So no, I’m probably not Catholic anymore. I don’t really know what I am… But I do know that when I happen to see anyone that has passed (or is passing) from this life into the great beyond (and yes, this does include animals) I always make the sign of the cross. And it’s not habit, because each time I really, really mean it. So what am I???

I’m gearing up for a girls week with JMS (oh yes, there will be mani/pedis, makeup and champagne)! I’m going to go hiking on Saturday so that she will have plenty of time to (mentally) prepare for my arrival. I have noticed that though I have several dear friends that say they’d do anything for me, anything means anything other than hiking. It isn’t safe to go into the woods alone, but I think I might just have to be rebellious (and stupid) and go by myself. I need to commune with nature, and I need to do it soon!

My friend, Marida is coming to town this weekend- I might be able to talk her into a moderate hike, but she might want to see her DB- oops! (Mother told me not to call him a douche bag because those actually serve some purpose)boyfriend instead. Blech.

And speaking of DBs, my friend at work told me that he didn’t like my shirt because I look like a waitress at the Sizzler. All I know is that a waitress at the Sizzler will probably have a job longer than I do (especially if I lived in Japan).

Thinking Outside the Box

It is ridiculously busy today at work.
So much so that I realized I could either take an exceptionally big breath or write a world-rocking post.
But the more I contemplated which one I would prefer to do, the more I realized that I'm not the type of person that gets boxed into an either/or situation. So I'm going to go all half-assed today and take a half-breath and write a sub par post.
There.
My world makes sense again.

And because it has been way too long since I've said it:

PEACE OUT!

Rewind to Present

I don’t take a lot of time to appreciate the everyday wonders of my life, but now and then I get a friendly reminder from the heavens. Last night I was having a sad moment, thinking about the choices I’ve made and what I could have done differently. ..


I needed a moment to put things in perspective and to project what I do want out of life. Unfortunately it wasn’t going so well and I kept thinking about a boy and my lack of strength where he is concerned. Eyes closed, head back- I could feel myself slipping back to a place where I second guess everything and lose confidence in who I am. I looked up and realized that someone is on my side.

How can I not believe in some sort of greater being when I get this reminder of what beauty surrounds me (if I only take a moment to notice)? And it doesn’t hurt that the next book on my shelf to reread was Other People's Love Letters. Stunning sunset, charming book, and a glass of champagne. It was a lovely evening.
And much needed, because it’s my turn to select a challenge for the KWC. So many ideas are playing leap frog around my brain…


The Amazon: Best of the Month of March list of books is out, and there are short story compilations on it! Oh (excuse me while I do my lame but delightful happy dance) how I love short stories, and there are a few old names on the list, as well: Mary Gaitskill and Jason Brown are at it again, and though I haven’t read Don’t Cry and Why the Devil Chose New England for His Work, I have been enchanted by their earlier reads. My Chase/Amazon points just went up a little more…



Today is a roller coaster ride for me. I need to find myself a sweetly decorated cave to crawl into for a couple of days until things are normal again…

but i do love roller coasters

the myth of where i come from

years ago a woman came to this earth
vacant of cunning and desire
the men of the land looked upon her
with the devil in their gaze
systematically stripped her of
worth peace ignorance

her hips became the beat of beasts
swayed to reap, cocked to sow, rocked to love
her breasts nourished hungry desires
took from them what they wanted
and their souls were her own
until the man of goodwill arrived

she spoke to him in hushed whispers
let her breath echo in his ear
promised him the cosmos
then shook from the want to deliver
and though they loved,
he could not bear to see her
through the fingerprints of others
he turned her aside as no other was able
left her to grieve on rough knees

she came upon the sea cliff
her sigh wrinkled the universe
and tears salted the waters
the wind carried heart’s lament
before she leapt…

save the gods were as impassioned as the mortals
allowed sea spray height to the heavens
to bring their girl home

but she loved the earth well

and her man even more,

asked for a vacation from paradise

and even now walks from

island to island

in search of goodwill.

How Many Times Can I Say LOVE?

I get a word of the day from dictionary.com. I like this tremendously because not only do I expand my vocabulary (unless they give me a totally lame word), but I also find something to read. Sound odd? It isn't. When they send my word, they always use it in a sentence- generally the sentence is a quote from a book. If I haven't read the book, I write it down and read it later.

Today the word "martial" was used in a quote from Charles Wolfe's poem, The Burial of Sir John Moore. I've never read it, so I'm giving it a shot today.

Interesting fact about Charles Wolfe: He had turned down the chance to read for a scholarship as he was in love with a girl and could not commit to celibacy as was then required.

I love men that love women... And men that love men. And women that love women... Well, I love love. And I love love poems! I wrote one, but its missing something... Maybe it will be posted tomorrow.

But today is my tribute to writers!

I am in love with words. Even more so, I'm in love with people that can string them together to create a dream or nightmare, a promise or a reflection, hope or defeat. I can read a book and step into a million different realities. There is nothing more fascinating than opening an old friend or beginning a journey with a new one. I even have come to love the blogverse. I'm giving out my accolades today to the bloggers that never fail to make me smile with their words- that put their thoughts, so beautifully (or so simply), together in a way that gives me daily joy.

I happily give this to:

Aaron

Emma

Jenn

Karrie

Maggie May

and Mary

Thanks for the fuzzies. xoxo

p.s. The answer to the title question is 13. Unless I made a mistake, which has happened before. And even that one doesn't really count because 1982 was a very hard year for me...

I'm Super...Thanks for Asking!

Yesterday's bitch fest is finally over... thank goodness!
Mothers are fantastic- well, mine is.
I called her before I left work and was grumbling and complaining and just being a real nag. She said- "Come home. Momma will take care of you."
Okay, I might be 28 and my mom might be the size of my right leg- but I still fit in her lap. She stroked my hair and hummed and just held me. I guess that was all I really needed.



I didn't get a lot of feedback on movies- (AKP did send me in the right direction. Thanks girl!)but I did get a few for happy books (apparently thats where I was going wrong).

Jennifer offered her daughter's books- she said they were all about princesses, and since I was one it should be an easy read. For the record: I am. I should be receiving those books soon.

Emily offered to send me a french book. A happy french book. I think she wants me to talk her lingo again.

Bill (who was recently updated on my search for Riki Tiki Tavi) is going to send me a collection of Kipling's children stories.


All in all, it's a boon day!


I haven't posted my story for KWC and I haven't posted any poetry. Today is going to be catch up day...

You Are Not Helping...

I decided that the best way to get out of my funk was to read for a bit. I went to an on-line site that has "over 5,000 authors". Well, they might- but they are missing a few of the great ones!
There is no listing for:
Faulkner
Shute
Bowles
Donleavy
Kipling (well, just one by him... but not the one I want)
Rushdie
Conrad
Kesey
Waugh

They should advertise "over 5,000 authors you don't want to read". Then I wouldn't have wasted my time looking for things that don't exist on their site.

My bad mood just went to worse.

On My Mind

You know it's busy at work when you work 15 steps from your BFF and you still interoffice a crossword to her, and get in return an interofficed book she borrowed.

Yesterday was the Quarterly Meeting for our company. The first one is informative and interesting. There are three meetings. I have to sit through all of them. I read a lot yesterday.

My sister gave me a book about ten or so years ago called Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe.
I started reading it again yesterday and it is as heartbreaking as I remember. But Achebe is such an amazing writer and just go with it. If you haven't read it, I highly suggest it- in fact, I highly recommend anything by him.

Mother is a ninja. I dropped her off at the market the other day and followed her in fairly quickly. She was on aisle 7 when I entered the store. This wouldn't seem that odd, she might have gone straight to 7, but I know Mother- she must go down every single row of goods.
How did she get there so quickly?

When I found her on 7, she was walking away from me, so I waited at the end, running back and forth between the aisles so that whichever one she came down I would be at. I didn't see her at either... 2 seconds later she was coming out of the beer section which is 5 lanes down and on the other side of the store. I would have had to see her if she ended there! I asked her if she was Crouching Tiger or Hidden Dragon. She said she was Awesome Shopper.

I want to rent a video tonight, but I don't know which one to get. Any suggestions?
(Nothing serious! Give me scary or comical)

Stepfather and Mother were having sexual innuendo night... at the dinner table. I thought I was going to boot. I might have. I'm trying to block the evening out of my head.

Sister Raina was in town last night and brought her fiddle along for the ride. She plays fiddle and upright bass. Her fiance plays banjo and guitar. If could do all of them at the same time they'd be the coolest band ever!
*She taught me how to play a couple of chords and for some reason the A# hates me. I don't know why. I never did anything to it!

Vicki called me last night. Why I love her: We had a thirty minute conversation and managed to talk about the following (and in enough detail we both felt better afterwards):
1. Her wedding (dress, wine, other bride maids and shower)
2. Her office drama
3. My office drama
4. Rizzo's birthday
5. Subsequently, a boy (if you used to read my old blog, you can probably figure out who it was)
6. The Bachelor
7. Her plans for the night
8. My not plans for the night

Kindred, we are...

Mother just called my cell- after I answered she said "Oh! I meant to call the other one!"
Ten seconds later she called my office line. "Mother, it's still me..." "Oh... How are you honey?"

It's a good thing we talked though- she was on her way to pick up jumper cables for a young man's car that had stalled out on her road. I told her that under no circumstances should she go back by herself- take the dog or Stepfather! "Oh, it's okay, it's Blake (my ex-husband's cousin). Well, great then.
Is this how my day is going to begin?

So what's my happy today? I need one desperately. Any givers?

Photographic Recap

SATURDAY Happy Birthday, Rizzo! Saturday night was a blast. The band was amazing, as always-

And I might have madeout with everyone. Except the birthday boy, of course... We danced, we sang, we partied. Well, a bit too much-

SUNDAY

I didn't move until 7ish Sunday night. I am such trash...

MONDAY Shenanigans!

it all started like this...

and quickly turned into... weirdness

Co-Worker #1 & #2:

Co-worker #3 :

Co-Worker #4 did not wish to participate...

I can't even imagine why not...