Monday, March 23, 2009

My Parents

As I was driving home from work I received a call from my mother's cell phone.
It was my stepfather, so I'm automatically worried that something has happened.


Stepfather: You need to come home now! Your mother has broken the telephone. And she's drunk!
Me: I'm 5 minutes away. Don't scare me like that!
Stepfather: You haven't seen anything yet...


At home, my mother is in the kitchen frying steak and gulping a martini.
I fix the phone, mother is giggling...


Stepfather: This is awful... simply awful!
Mother: I've been drunker.
Me: How did the phone break?
Mother: I dropped it.
Me: Where
Mother: Against the wall.
Me: Were you talking to your mother or sister
Mother: My sister. And I super glued my fingers together...


AN HOUR LATER:

Stepfather: I'm reading War & Peace. There's too much peace, not enough war.
Mother: At least its not Anna Karenina.
Me: I liked both.
Mother: Anna Karenina was a manic depressive idiot. Left her husband and kids for a guy going off to war- well I'll tell you, there's a reason he left too. She was a nut job... threw herself on a railroad track! Certifiable basket case, that one.
Stepfather: Tolstoy's an okay writer- but if he lived today he'd be the best soap opera writer of all time!
Me: I need a drink.

8 comments:

Light and Writing said...

Wish I could have been there! I love these people!

Karrie said...

That is too funny! I would have been laughing and shaking my head :)

Maggie May said...

great conversations snippets

JMS said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sunday's Pearl said...

What's so funny is that she only has a 2 hour drinking window per day! Sometimes she just makes better use of that window...

JMS said...

I ♥ your mother! She's da BOMB!

TTFN
JMS

Cara J. said...

Ok, You really can't say life isn't interesting around your place either. That's hysterical!

kadler said...

Hahaha... your mom sounds awesome.

"I've been drunker"